My family and I recently went on a trip to the Hawaiian islands. There were amazing moments, like meditating in a sacred Banyan tree at a Hindu temple and dipping in the ocean with my daughter for the first time…
But there were also the harder moments, like needing to start our day at 3 or 4 am with a baby who never got used to the time difference… or changing a very poopy diaper with a squawking baby right at the most sacred moment of sunset when the sun dips beneath the ocean horizon…
It got me thinking about good and bad, and how so often there is challenge within life’s beautiful moments, and silver linings wrapped up in our challenges.
We’ve been conditioned to see the world this way. To avoid and run away from the “bad” and chase and work towards the “good,”
But what really is good and bad?
I’m reminded of a dharma story of a farmer and his horse.
"One day the farmer’s horse runs away. And his neighbor comes over and says, to commiserate, “I’m so sorry about your horse.” And the farmer says “Who Knows What’s Good or Bad?” The neighbor is confused because this is clearly terrible. The horse is the most valuable thing he owns.
But the horse comes back the next day and he brings with him 12 feral horses. The neighbor comes back over to celebrate, “Congratulations on your great fortune!” And the farmer replies again: “Who Knows What’s Good or Bad?”
And the next day the farmer’s son is taming one of the wild horses and he’s thrown and breaks his leg. The neighbor comes back over, “I’m so sorry about your son.” The farmer repeats: “Who Knows What’s Good or Bad?”
Sure enough, the next day the army comes through their village and is conscripting able-bodied young men to go and fight in war, but the son is spared because of his broken leg.
And this story can go on and on like that. Good. Bad. Who knows?" ~ Old Zen story as told by David Allan
After living in three different places in the last two years, I can say that there is good and bad in each of them.
After accomplishing so many of my big life dreams, like writing and publishing a book, leading an international retreat, planning a wedding, becoming a mother… there was a lot of good and bad wrapped up in each of them!
I’ve been reflecting that with any decision or life circumstance we meet, there is pretty much guaranteed good and bad.
It is undeniable that life is both positive and negative.
So I’m choosing to have a new goal - rather than creating the perfect external circumstances, I’ve been asking, "What would it be like to be OK with both the good and the bad?”
To find a state of equanimity, of peace within amidst it all.
I’ve learned by now that the root of suffering is the desire for pleasure and the fear of pain.
We suffer when we are in a constant state of craving for the good and feeling aversion to the bad.
I was recently reading my friend’s book and really stopped to take in these words:
“Life in a human body is messy. We live in a land of dichotomy. So we will always feel and experience the opposites. We are supposed to. And we need to if we want to have the fullest, richest experience here on Earth. In order to experience the highs, we have to know the lows. In order to understand pleasure, we have to live through pain… I have discovered that true joy is feeling gratitude for being alive even while stuck in a darker state of mind. In this way, happiness may be fleeting, but joy stays.“ ~ Renee Linnell's new book, "Still on Fire"
A mantra arose for me in that moment of reading, that I’ve now been saying every day:
Life is Full with Good and Bad, I’m Choosing to be Grateful for What I Have.
It especially helps in the harder moments. The middle of the night wake ups. Jaw tension and headaches. Physical tiredness, anxiety or overwhelm...
It brings me back to the present. It reminds me I don’t need to be riding the up and down roller coaster of life, but that I can take the seat of a witness. The seat of non attachment, of compassion, and of remembering it is all good, bad, fleeting and impermanent.
When I say it now, I feel myself soften. I remember the good in my life. I don’t need to run away from it all.
So I wanted to pass it along, in case it may bring some solace to you as well.
With love,
Meredith
