This has been my first month with a few days a week of childcare since my baby was born, and I’ve now had the breathing room to really recognize the huge life transformation I just went through.
I think what I’m learning is that I couldn’t really prepare for or know what I would need until I was in it.
One of the things I learned was that I actually needed a lot more support than I was giving to myself.
There were really hard days, especially in that 3-6 month age where I experienced exhaustion.
The meal train had ended, the postpartum doula visits I had scheduled and paid for while still pregnant were now complete.
But the physical exhaustion, both from carrying this new being all day, and from sleep deprivation, now cumulative, was still very present.
I had days with anxiety, days with new tests and challenges on my relationship, and days where I struggled to cook and feed this new and ravenous appetite from nursing, all the while still figuring out everything for the first time in how to care for this amazing new being.
On most days, I struggled knowing how to ask for help.
Other days, I wasn’t really sure what I needed (a shower probably), and a lot of the time I didn’t even know I was struggling (until I’ve had this time to look back in hindsight).
I knew I longed for a circle of women, a witnessing circle, to simply be and share about this huge transformation, what I was discovering through this time in my life…
But I struggled finding the time or mental clarity to text people to call a circle together and make it happen, let alone stay awake past my daughter’s bed time to participate in it.
Then grief arose about how many women go through big life transitions like this with no marker, no rite of passage, no ritual space or witnessing circle to be seen, no opportunity to really be met and recognized as changed in their community.
It breaks my heart when I think about it.
But some time between the diaper changes and feedings, and around the time I started sleeping more and my daughter turned six months old, I decided the next six months were going to look completely different. They needed to.
I started praying.
I faced old money monsters.
I decided to start receiving A LOT more support.
I asked my husband for some time to myself on the weekends.
We interviewed nannies and found a great fit for someone to care for our daughter three days a week.
I joined a postpartum group and am meeting seasoned moms who have been through all of this before.
And I finally got the circle I was wanting, to be witnessed in sharing about this transformation, especially the hard moments, to be able to let go and begin anew.
In that space my tears were able to flow, what had been lost, how I had been changed, what I was letting go of and what my intentions were moving forward.
It was just 15-20 min of sharing, and I left that circle completely changed, and newly nourished.
I was able to release the grief, to be seen as this new person I am becoming, and feel excited about how I was going to do things differently moving forward.
And I knew in my heart it was exactly perfect to face every single one of those challenges, because it is already informing how I show up in my community, and how I dedicate my life to creating these kinds of nourishing communities for others.
Here are just a few reasons I love being in and creating these kinds of circles…
We are able to show up and be seen and accepted just as we are
We open to deep healing
We become more adept at sharing our truth and using our voice
We witness each other's celebrations and big wins
We witness and love each other through our challenges and setbacks
We feel safe and comfortable - there is space to bring all of ourselves
We are able to step into the feminine aspects of ALLOWING, BEING, and DEEP TRUST
We enter into a universe together where anything is possible
We see the beauty in each other and let it be known
We have the opportunity to better know and step into life as our highest selves
We give space to our deep dreams and visions
There is honestly something so magical about entering into a container with a group of women, especially when that circle continues over an extended period of time.
I’m excited to be bringing together a new constellation of women this winter in circle, after passing through one of the most incredible rites of passage myself, I am stepping up to hold an initiation container for an intimate group of women this year in the 2022-2023 Way of the Priestess program.
I feel deeply dedicated to this work, and to the incredible power of safe space to be witnessed, loved, supported and encouraged just as you are. And it is an honor to know so many of the women I have held space for have now gone on to hold this space for others in circle in their communities.
To join together in beauty, devotion, and service. To say yes to the power of the feminine, to slow down, receive support and be seen and celebrated for all we are….
Priestess: a space-holder, leader, one of highest service to collective awakening, a vessel for the divine, a living embodiment of love
Initiation: a series of ceremonies or rituals marking entrance into a new way of being
If you feel called to an intimate sisterhood like this, I invite you to join us right here.
With love,
Meredith
