Lessons on alone-ness and community

My natural tendency in life is to retreat.  To be by myself.  This has always felt most safe for me.  I savor time alone and find much comfort in it. However, this past month has really asked me to step outside of my comfort zone.  

I chose to spend a lot of time on my own earlier this month and soon learned it wasn't serving me, especially when I had some difficult emotions come up.

When that happens, I often turn to my yoga and meditation practice.  But sometimes yoga and meditation just isn't enough.  

Sometimes I need to be held in community, in friendship, and especially in sisterhood.

I sat on my couch a couple weeks ago with two dear friends and told them about how it was for me having so much time alone while my partner was away for two weeks.

One of my friends Kevin shared, "If you're only relying on one person in your life, it's like you're standing on top of a flagpole.  That's a lot of pressure on one person, especially if his or her life is calling him or her to be elsewhere." 

I imagined myself standing on top of a flagpole, shaky and worried of falling.

He continued, "However, if you become like a spider, with many legs supporting you, it's okay if one of them takes a break.  You still have seven other legs to lean on." 

When you are supported in all directions, your weight is evenly distributed.  It is so much healthier.

I think it's really easy to get swept up in relying on just one person for our emotional, physical and mental needs.

However, when we create more structures of support through friendships, therapy, coaching, healers, and especially in community, we can really thrive.

So this is what I'm working on in my life right now:  becoming the spider.  Creating those levels of support around me so my weight can always be easily distributed.

It hasn't always been easy.  I see it takes being vulnerable.  It takes reaching out even when my tendency is to retreat.  It takes stepping outside of my comfort zone and sharing all of myself. 

Through it all though, I see I need to do this for myself to uphold my vision for Rising Women Leaders.  I am creating layers of support for women to live at their highest potential.  To heal, lead, teach and rise up as their highest selves.  I am creating a safe space for women to lean on each other and feel safe in sharing who they really are. 

Have you ever found yourself swept up and leaning mostly on one person?  Did a time ever come where that person couldn't physically or emotionally be there for you?

What could you do to more evenly distribute support in your life? I'd love to hear in the comments.

There's only one more day to apply for early pricing in the Rising Women Leaders Bali Retreat.  The retreat is more than half full with an amazing group of women joining together for 7 days of yoga, self-love, sisterhood and leadership.

I will honor the $200 off pricing for all applications received before midnight today, December 1.

If you are seeking this kind of support and community in your life, I invite you to apply here. 

With love, Meredith

What You Need to Know About Love & Fear

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance... ~ John Lennon Of all the places in the world, I read this quote pasted on the wall of a port-a-potty at a music and yoga festival in the forests of Oregon.

The quote stayed with me one evening when a friend of mine had an anxiety attack.  She began to feel oversensitive to the lights and sounds of the environment around us and her mind filled with fearful thoughts.

I brought her back to our tent with another friend.  We soothed her, listened to her, gave her pillows and earplugs, and reminded her to breathe.

Soon, she began to feel better.

As we called in grounding, soothing energy for her, we heard a woman outside with a baby.  My friend went outside to see who it was.  It happened to be someone she knew, so we invited her into the tent with us.

She said her name was Love. 

Instead of staying up late on the dance floor, we chose to relax in my tent, three women learning from Love.

We asked Love lots of questions, and when we asked her about her experience giving birth she shared, "It was a constant practice of being present.  As soon as I let my mind wander to the past or worry about the future, there was pain..  But when I was fully present, everything was fine."

I realized this insight also applied to my friend who had the anxiety attack - the anxiety only became worse for her when she immersed herself in worried thoughts about the future.  

However, as soon as she came back to the present, focused on her breath and the loving people around her, she relaxed.

In every moment we have a choice - to choose fear or love.  We can choose to be stuck in the past, worry about the future, or we can be fully present in the moment.

Fear exists in the future.  Love exists in the present. {tweet this}

This is why yoga and meditation has been such a valuable practice for me.  I can now catch my mind when I spiral into worried thoughts, and I naturally come back to my breath and the sensations in my body.  This immediately brings me back into the present moment, and I realize everything is fine.

When you find yourself full with worried thoughts, how do you come back to the present moment?  What helps you remember to choose love over fear?  I'd love to hear what works best for you in the comments below.

I am excited to be back to teaching three weekly yoga classes in Sonoma County this month (details here).  I am also getting ready to travel and teach at Burning Man and Erica Jago's (now full!) EARTH retreat in September...

I'm sure I will return with many fresh insights and stories for you.

Until then, sending love, Meredith