How to Create a Preconception Ritual
Kalalea Mountain, Kauai
If you’re just arriving here, this is the beginning of the first chapter of a book I’m writing: Maiden to Mother. You’re invited to read the Introduction of the book before this chapter.
Maybe you found this series because you are pregnant, curious about the threshold you are about to cross on the other side of birth. Or maybe you haven’t yet conceived, are preparing to begin trying, or are struggling with fertility and deeply long to become a mother, holding a quiet hope in your heart for the child who has not yet arrived…
A Surrender to Divine Will
From a young age, I knew I wanted to be a mother. Nurturing was natural for me, and I always adored my pets when I had one to care for.
But when I began dating my now husband in 2012, he wasn’t sure fatherhood was part of his path. Actually, he was pretty resistant to the idea of becoming a father.
I listened for years, wondering if this was the man I was supposed to be with. There were a few times where we almost parted ways, but the universe would somehow always conspire to bring us back together.
When we had been together for about five years, I knew I needed to make a choice - to stay with a wonderful partner, where motherhood may not be part of my path, or to let him go to fulfill this deep longing to be a mother.
I looked to mentors in my life who were not mothers, the woman who led the pilgrimage I attended in Egypt, and the yoga teacher I went on retreat with in Costa Rica — they were living deeply fulfilling lives, traveling the world, and serving many, many people. I knew if motherhood was not the path God chose for me, I would be ok. I would still have so many ways to lead and nurture through my work. So I surrendered my will to the divine, and I fully chose my partner.
We married after being together for six years, and about four years after that, my husband let me know something was changing for him, and he was becoming more open to the possibility of having a child.
I was elated, knowing this dream I had consciously offered into the hands of the Divine, was now a real possibility.
Spirit Baby Communication
As I became closer to my time of becoming a mother, I could feel myself slowly being prepared. I attended a birth doula training on the island of Kauai, which in a way, felt like a ritual entrance into my own journey of birth and mothering. I also found the book, Spirit Babies which helped me connect to the spirit that was wanting to come through.
I believe at any one time, we may have multiple spirit babies. Souls who feel connected to us, that may or may not choose to incarnate in this life. I also believe the conditions of conception - the time, place, emotional tone, all play a role in which spirit chooses to come through at any time, based on the laws of karma.
If these souls are not given a chance to incarnate with us, they may stay with us as guides throughout our life, or they may choose to come through someone close to us - a friend, sister, brother for example, and we may notice a connection, something unspeakable and spiritual that we have to each other throughout our lives.
In the case of abortion, I believe the soul either continues to stay with us, to wait for the next opportunity for pregnancy, or if conditions are no longer ripe to come through, may stay with us as a spirit guide or find another body to incarnate in.
In the case of miscarriage, I believe it can be a profound opportunity, it’s possible that some souls know they weren’t here to be birthed but are here to help us move through karma, teach us lessons, and support us to surrender to a greater plan. It’s also possible that these souls know when the conditions are not quite right for their birth, and choose to wait for another opportunity of conception at a more cosmically aligned time (I’ll share more about this in a later chapter).
Connect with the Soul of your Baby
If you’re calling in a soul, hoping to conceive, it’s a beautiful practice to simply tune in and connect with the spirit of a possible future child.
This can be done by yourself or with the potential father of your child. Find a quiet space, light a candle, welcome in your guides, and see if you can feel the spirit of your future child. Imagine as if you are becoming a vessel, opening to receive the divine guidance above and all around you. Speak out loud, “I welcome the spirit of my future child(ren). Breathe, wait, listen.
See if you can see or feel any colors or emotions.
When I first connected to my spirit babies, I was on the island of Kauai. I felt a boy first, he had a cool blue energy that was calm and reserved. He felt very familiar to me, someone I have probably known in past lives, and also began to appear to me in dreams. I also felt a girl that held an energy like a spark of light. She was fiery and passionate. And our relationship felt more new.
When I finally got pregnant, I thought I was having a boy for the first ten weeks, and was shocked when the blood test results came back as “Girl.”
Later in my pregnancy, I had a session with a medium who let me know there were a few souls hoping to come in at the moment of conception, and the conditions were most ripe for her to join us at that moment in time. She dove in, almost pushing the others out of the way, knowing this was her chance. And boy was I right about her fiery personality…
Dreams
Once you’ve opened to connect with the spirit of a child, pay attention to your dreams. Begin writing down what you remember from dreams when you first wake up (put a journal and pen right next to your bed before going to sleep). I often have visitations from possible spirit babies in my dreams.
Writing
You can also write to your future child. Start a page with Dear one, and share your questions, your fears, your love, your excitement. Turn the page and imagine stepping into the role of your future child. From that place of in-between, imagine writing back to yourself (Dear Meredith, ….).
Land Offerings
During my preconception year (2020-2021) I was living with my husband in Kauai. Land offerings became a consistent practice for us.
I learned from the people around me, and what intuitively felt right.
A flower placed on a tree root, a drop of menstrual blood into the soil, I even offered one of my favorite crystals to a friend who threw it into the sky towards a waterfall at the center of the island.
These gestures became conversations with the land, a practice to build a relationship with the world around me.
Why Leave Offerings?
We live on land that gives to us endlessly—food, shelter, medicine, beauty and a sense of place. The Earth holds us. She holds our grief, our joy, our memories, our prayers. When we begin the practice of leaving offerings, we shift from unconscious taking to intentional reciprocity.
Offerings are a way of giving back, of honoring the unseen spirits of the land, of entering into conversation with the sacred intelligence that lives in the rocks, water, plants, and wind.
You can leave offerings anywhere that feels sacred to you—especially the land you live on. But on the Hawaiian Islands, this practice carries an especially potent charge, because of the deep history and trauma of colonization. For many Native Hawaiians, the land was taken by force. As visitors or settlers—especially as white people—leaving offerings becomes a small but important act of acknowledgment and repair.
The most meaningful offerings are those that carry value and intention. Not just what you want to discard, but what you truly cherish. The land will feel your love.
Some powerful offerings include:
Fresh flowers or flower petals
A piece of chocolate
A stone or crystal that holds meaning
A strand of your hair
A heartfelt prayer
Menstrual blood returned to the Earth
Tears, breath, song
Dried tobacco
Herbs
Blessed Water
I found that leaving land offerings became especially sacred when I began calling in my child and was preparing to conceive.
A Ritual to Welcome your Baby Home
You can think of a preconception ritual as an energetic container of safety and love to welcome your baby into.
Of course, many conceptions happen without any preconception ritual. It is not at all necessary to conceive. But if you are hoping to conceive, and want to start the process intentionally, you can think of the preconception ritual as a way to fully claim your “yes” to welcoming a child, and to create a conception vessel, an energetic nest of love to welcome them into.
Before we conceived our daughter, my husband and I brought offerings to Kalalea on Kaua‘i—a mountain known to resemble a pregnant woman lying on her back. There’s a story that many believe— that this place is where souls enter and leave Earth.
We were getting ready to leave the island for an indeterminate amount of time. We brought flowers and chocolate to a spot on the land where we could see Kalalea clearly. We said our prayers and offered our gifts.
It was brief, but sacred, and marked a moment in time, where we consciously opened the portal to become parents.
How to Prepare A Preconception Ritual
Find objects that have meaning to you.
Crystals, feathers, photos, offerings like flowers or chocolate
Find land that has meaning to you.
A place you feel connected to, it could be in your backyard, or maybe on a hike.
Decide who you want to be there.
Is this just for you, for you and your partner, or do you want a close friend or two to attend?
Open the space by calling in your guides
Call in the spirit of your future child (or children)
Share your prayers
Give space for your partner to share their prayers (if they attend)
Listen. Meditate. Pray inwardly.
Leave the offerings
Close with Reverence
Another idea is to build an earth mandala as a part of your ritual and prayer.
This is an intuitively created design made from Earth materials (leaves, flowers, petals, sticks, stones, etc) adding beauty to the place where you leave your prayers.
When the space has been energetically set ~ be prepared that a pregnancy may arrive sooner than expected.
Stay tuned for next week where I’ll be sharing more about Conception. 😊
With love,
Meredith
