The Missing Link I See in So Many Relationships

relationships-meditation-self love

A few weeks ago I had a client tell me about her relationship.  "He's stuck.  He's not moving forward.  I think he's afraid of change." 

I listened and asked, "Is there anywhere in your life you feel stuck or not moving forward?  Is there anywhere you are not facing your fears because of what might change?"

She replied, "Yes, I think so..." and went on to tell me about it.

Our relationships are a reflection of what we need to see in ourselves.

When things aren't going our way it is much easier to look for what's not working outside of ourselves instead of looking within.

I shared with her about a time when I felt something was "lacking" in my relationship.  I was earning less than I knew I needed to at that time, and put my stress on him.  I thought, "You should make more money to fix this problem!"  I realized I needed to look at what was lacking in myself.

I know it's hard to make that step...  I was afraid, and didn't know where to start.  That's when I decided to enroll at IIN, commit to healing my blocks around money and take a closer look at my finances.  That was when everything began to change.

Whenever you feel you are not "getting" something you need in your relationship, take a moment to ask, "What am I not giving to myself?" 

A practice that has been so valuable for me to love myself first (rather than waiting for love and approval from the outside world) is metta meditation, or loving kindness practice.

This practice reminds me to fill myself up with my own love.  It reminds me to turn to my own heart and look within before placing blame or judgement on the outside world.  It reminds me to love myself first, and then send out love unconditionally to those around me.

The missing link I see, is simply self-love, and the willingness to look within ourselves, and find love there.

By loving ourselves first, we offer genuine love to others.  {tweet it}


You can learn all about the meditation in my next summer yoga video:  Loving Kindness Practice.  Watch it here:

With love, Meredith

Happy, well, and full of peace: metta meditation

yoga and meditation-peace-metta-self love

"If we extend the force of love, love will return to us.”

This week I led the practice of Metta meditation to the teacher training group I am with in Thailand.

Metta is described as loving kindness.  It is a practice to become better friends with yourself.  It is practiced for a few minutes after Vipassana meditation because if any past karma or old wounds arise during Vipassana, you can soothe yourself with the metta.

We begin metta first with ourselves.  This is the essential foundation of offering genuine love to others.

The practice develops in levels from:

Self Benefactor (Close friend, partner or teacher) Friend Neutral Person Enemy/ Conflicting Person

Through these levels, we learn not to denigrate ourselves to uphold another person’s happiness.

To practice metta:  Close your eyes, contact a sense of love and compassion within yourself.  Imagine that love washing over your body.  What does it look like?  Does it have a color?  A temperature?  Now imagine sending yourself that love and repeat to yourself, “May I be happy, may I be well, may I be full of peace.”

Now move on to a close friend, teacher or partner.  Choose someone who brings about a great sense of love within you.  Imagine sending the metta to him or her and repeat,  “May he or she be happy, well and full of peace.”

Continue the practice, with a friend, neutral person, and finally, a person who has caused conflict in your life.  The idea of metta is to hold a place of loving kindness even for (and especially for) these people.

Through metta, we learn to walk in friendship with ourselves and with all beings. We are planting the seeds of peace and happiness that will bare fruit with time.  By opening to the love within us, we open to the love that is there, all around us.

Some benefits of the metta practice include:

1)   You will sleep easily

2)   You will wake easily

3)   You will have pleasant dreams

4)   People will love you

5)   Devas (celestial beings) and animals will love you

6)   Devas will protect you

7)   External dangers will not harm you

8)   Your face will be radiant

9)   Your mind will be serene

10) You will die unconfused

11) You will be reborn in happy realms

May you be happy, may you be well, may you be full of peace.