Six Questions to Ask Yourself When You're Feeling Depressed

 

I recently opened up my calendar to connect 1:1 with women considering joining me this year in my program, The Way of the Priestess I was talking with one beautiful woman the other week who shared, “Every day is feeling the same. Day after day. The same monotonous routine...” 


I get it. I’ve been there. When every day is a repeat of the last, and life is starting to feel like a never-ending cycle of cleaning dishes, answering emails, and getting stuck in traffic. Many, many times the monotony of life (especially as a new parent) has made me wonder, “What’s the point of all of this…?” 

Especially when I think of impending effects of climate change. The killings in the Middle East. The vast amount of mental illness, homelessness and suffering in our own country. How are we not all depressed? 

But I also know my soul came here for a reason, and I want to best utilize my time here on Earth.

I thought about what has pulled me out of those harder life moments. For example, sometimes depression lingers when we don’t fully feel our grief. Or take a step outside of our comfort zone. Or begin to really listen to our intuition and I began to write…

Here are 6 questions I think would be helpful to ask yourself if you’re feeling depressed:

What truly nourishes me?

Ask yourself - how am I really using my time? How often am I being sucked in to mindless scrolling, social media, advertisements, the news…things that were often designed to make us feel worse than we did before.  What could you replace that time with?


For me right now, it’s riding my bike. We recently got a bike seat for our daughter, and we’ve been riding on the bike trails near our house to watch the sunset. It puts me in a state of awe every time. The other day we even saw an owl at dusk. It swooped on a tree right in front of us, the closest I had ever seen one before. 

Getting into my body, and experiencing beauty never fail to pull me out of a difficult mood. Maybe this is your reminder that at the end of the day we can put down our phone and come back to the body. Yin yoga, a walk, your spiritual practices, that which helps you feel alive, connected, and in flow 

What scares me? 

I think the happiest people are the ones willing to step outside their comfort zone, again and again.  There’s nothing like a little adrenaline to make you feel ALIVE. And it doesn’t have to be sky diving.  What about making a new friend - you can invite that person you’ve been seeing at the coffee shop to an event, or to go on a walk. You could ask someone on a date. You could go to an event by yourself.  You could raise your hand and say something in a group of strangers. Or jump in the ocean in winter.  I think a lot of times the things that scare us are showing us where we have room to grow. 

What is my intuition telling me? 

Sometimes we feel depressed when we are consistently going against our intuition.  When we have a desire, a calling from somewhere and we say no to it, or make excuses to avoid it, something in our soul feels sad. It’s almost like we have a certain destiny to have certain experiences and if we keep saying no to those soul callings - we’re going to start to feel depressed.  So get quiet. Listen to the soft voice of your heart (I always here it after a good yoga class)... See what unfolds.

How can I ritualize and feel my grief?

I don’t know anyone who is not holding grief about something. The thing is in our culture, it has not been accepted to feel it, especially publicly. And sometimes all grief needs is to be witnessed. Could you make a ritual around it? Maybe there’s something you could read out loud, maybe there is something that wants to be buried, maybe we just need someone else to hold the space to witness what has been lost, before we feel ready to move forward. 

How can I be a student again?

Some of the happiest times in my life have been when I am learning something new. I remember my days of yoga teacher trainings, and learning to play the guitar and the ukulele were so invigorating. Being a student puts us in a beginners mind. It opens us to knowledge we didn’t have before. It expands us and allows our brain to be more open and malleable. So think about ways you can learn just for fun - maybe there’s a knitting group you can join, or maybe it’s this year’s Way of the Priestess program.

Where can I volunteer? 

The times I have been living at an ashram I remember hearing “the happiest people are the ones doing the most seva, or selfless service.” Volunteering and helping where we can bring meaning to others truly enriches our lives. Maybe you can bring some soup to a sick friend, or a new mom. Maybe you can find a local garden to help. Volunteering has also been such a wonderful place to find community and feeds us in more ways than one 

I hope you find these thoughts helpful. Find the new dates for my latest women's initiation program below…


 

Holiday Gift + Solstice Blessings

 

Blessed holidays ~ 

I recently opened up the memoir I began writing 12 years ago and re-read the introduction. I was amazed to see the wisdom I had gained as a 22 year old millennial was still so valuable and relatable to my current life. 

I realized I've gained many new subscribers since the publishing of my book in 2017 so wanted to let you know it exists and is available on Amazon for holiday reading or gifts.  

Order the book on Amazon

I'm including a preview of the introduction below. Maybe you'll find you can relate to it too...

With love, 

Meredith

~~

We all have access to an infinite source of wisdom that lies in our bodies.

The first time I set foot on a yoga mat and began to really let myself feel the intensity of sensations and emotions that were lying beneath the surface, I wanted to run away. At first I avoided going back to yoga class, hoping that distractions like sugar or prescription pills from my doctor would take away my suffering instead. 

Fortunately, I soon realized that repressing or distracting myself from my emotions and sensations caused just as much and often even more suffering. It was then I knew running away was no longer an option. 

Through allowing myself to just be with my sensations and my breath, my journey began, and this book emerged. When I found that space of stillness, of silence, a space of no desires, no attachments, of pure witnessing presence without any need to change myself or my life, I formed a connection with the one place I can always rely on: my body, my breath, and my own innate wisdom. 

From that place, I began to listen deeply and to take action. I found the courage to take bigger leaps, follow my callings, and love myself through my challenges. It was then that the magic of life—a realization that the universe was conspiring in my favor to give me the exact experiences I needed to heal—helped me discover a deep, pervasive connectedness to everything and everyone around me, and a trust in a force greater than myself. 

My hope for you is to connect to a place of stillness and love within. A place where there is nothing you need to change. A place where you can love yourself no matter what thoughts, challenges, or situations arise. And from that place, to take steps forward, to follow your own inner callings, and to know that whatever happens in life, you’ll be able to come back to this stillness and self-love. 

Sometimes, life gets hard. It’s inevitable. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned through the years, it’s that if I can sit with the intensity of any emotion, any difficult sensation, and remain equanimous, calm, and composed, everything will be okay. The nature of these sensations—indeed all challenges of life—is to be impermanent, arising and passing away. 

This insight was confirmed during a conversation with my friend Karen at the end of our ten-day silent meditation retreat taught by S. N. Goenka. She had asked one of the teachers a question about the pain she was experiencing in her body, hoping that through feeling her pain, she would find relief, and that one day, just maybe, her pain would go away and never come back. The teacher looked her right in the eye and said, “Billions and billions of times better than your pain suddenly going away would be you continuing to have pain for the rest of your life and no longer suffering through your reaction to it.” 

The point is not to push away our pain but rather allow ourselves to just be through whatever arises. 

I chose to retain the real names of the saints and sages in this book. If you decide to further study their teachings, I ask that you do so with the purest intentions and utmost respect. In a similar vein, if you visit places that are mentioned in this book, know that every experience is unique, and your own journey will unfold, most likely, very differently from my own. We are each on a distinct and remarkable path to liberation, and no one person’s journey can ever be recreated, and that is part of the beauty of it. 

I write of my time in India not to speak on behalf of an organization or teacher, or to encourage others to follow my footsteps, but rather to authentically share the magical events and synchronicities I experienced when I tuned into my body’s wisdom and listened to the guidance I found there. Most of the names in this book have been changed out of respect for the privacy of the people I met on my path, except for Shankara, who gave his blessing and now travels the world under one of his many other names. 

Each chapter begins with a mantra, a short phrase with a sacred vibration that you can repeat in your mind to bring yourself back to the present moment. I discovered these mantras through my travels, and you’ll learn their meanings throughout the stories. The chapter titles are written in Sanskrit, except for the last chapter title, which is written in Pali, the language spoken during the time Buddha walked the earth. I invite you to use these mantras in your life as little seeds of wisdom, leading you to your own discoveries. 

P.S. You can also download a designed version of the introduction right here.

Winter Solstice Blessings

The darkest day of the year is upon us. The veils are getting thinner. The 21st marks the Winter Solstice, and the day after Christmas marks a full moon in Cancer (western astrology) and Gemini (Vedic/sidereal astrology).

On this darkest day of the year may we all receive the nourishment, love, and safety inherent in the darkness. And as we reclaim the feminine in our culture, may we welcome the sweetness of the light and the days getting longer without bypassing the gifts the darkness holds for us - the gifts inherent in our challenges, in our deepest feelings, in the unknown and within the darkness of our womb. 

May your Solstice be blessed. May we remember the power in the darkness. May we welcome the light.

 

What is Womb Healing? How Does it Work?

 
womb-healing

We store so many powerful memories in our womb. It is the strongest organ in a woman’s body, able to grow and birth a baby, a powerful source of our intuitive guidance, and our ability to set boundaries and feel worthy in our lives. 

These days I am supporting many, many women to heal repressed emotions and trauma stored in the womb, to claim their inherent self-worth, confidence and connection to their inner light and power. 

As more people are awakening in the world to the sacred power of the feminine essence, the power to soften, to rest, to breathe and be, to turn within, many are also awakening to the power of their womb. Many Priestesses of ancient times practiced the sacred art of womb healing, among other skills such as anointing, midwifery, and sharing wisdom as an oracle. I see many women awakening to these hidden gifts now.

I believe many women who are here to be great leaders and healers go through an womb initiation in their lives. Whether it’s a health challenge, a sexual assault, an abortion or miscarriage, there are so many experiences we might go through that call us into our healing and empowerment.

An initiation is when you are faced with a challenging experience that changes you in some way - when you transform and become a different person on the other side. 

Sometimes these initiations take years to go through and find completion, and other times they complete in an instant.

When we are willing to face these challenging initiations and ask, “How could this be happening for me, instead of to me?”  we have a huge opportunity for growth and discovery of our gifts and power.

In womb healing, we revisit difficult memories from our past stored in our womb, and with the support of a skilled guide, uncover what beliefs were formed, what emotions still need to be felt, and heal the memories so that we can imprint new beliefs in the subconscious.

I hold space for women to heal their womb, including imprints from:

  • Sexual abuse: from childhood or adulthood, whether it was recurring or a single moment of assault or rape 

  • Violated boundaries: when a moment of trauma happens and we freeze - it’s in these moments we often fail to find our voice and to speak our truth

  • Abortion, miscarriage, and/or still birth

  • Challenges with fertility 

  • Shame around the womb, menstrual cycle and sexuality 

  • Physical womb health challenges such as fibroids, cysts, painful menstrual cycles, and cervical dysplasia

  • Difficult or traumatic experiences from giving birth 

  • Difficult or traumatic experiences from one’s own birth 

  • Religious / Catholic programming around the body and sexuality 

  • One’s own experiences in the womb of their mother 

  • Early memories of adoption 

  • One’s relationship to the mother line 

  • One’s relationship to receiving, self- worth, and relationship to the feminine 

The Power of the Womb 

“In the past and in present-day indigenous traditions, women have known that the womb houses the greatest power a woman possesses: the power to create on all levels. Utilized in the process of giving birth, this power of creation can also be tapped in the birth of projects, careers, personal healing, spirituality, and relationships. However, because the womb stores the energetic imprint of every intimate encounter--loving or not--the creative voice of the womb is often muffled or absent altogether, affecting the emotional, mental, and spiritual health of women and their relationships…” ~ Anaiya Sophia

What does a womb healing session look like? 

I use the modalities of EFT (Tapping) and Multidimensional Timeline Healing where we travel into memories that are ready for healing. We drop into the space of the womb, access the subconscious and compassionately connect with your younger self or past self to heal the moments of challenge or trauma. We will then allow those memories to be re-lived in a new way, and imprint the new core beliefs into your womb space.

How do I know it would be helpful for me? 

Consider these journaling questions to see if a womb healing session may be helpful for you. If you feel a “charge” come up around any of these questions, it’s a sign that a womb healing session could be calling to you…

  • When did I not honor my own boundaries?

  • When was the first time I felt violated?

  • Did I ever feel shame around my sexuality?

  • Did I ever feel shame around my menstrual cycle? 

  • How do I feel about being a woman?

  • Have I had any physical health challenges related to the womb? What could they be telling me?

  • What difficult memories are ready to be healed?

  • Do I feel worthy and enough? 

  • Have I had any abortions or miscarriages that I may still be holding grief around?

  • What was my experience of giving birth? 

  • Do I know anything about being in the womb or my own birth?

  • What's my relationship to my mother?

  • When do I struggle speaking up for myself or asking for what I want?

  • How do I feel about charging for my work?

  • What holds me back from fully expressing myself?

What are the benefits of womb healing? 

  • Helping women regain connection to their creativity

  • A deeper sense of self-worth and confidence 

  • Freedom in self-expression 

  • Living free from shame 

  • Creating new powerful beliefs around receiving and self-worth 

  • Improved relationship to children 

  • Empowered relationship to the masculine 

  • Empowered relationship to sexuality

  • Healing physical health related to the womb 

  • Recognizing that you and your voice matter 

  • A deeper ability to receive, often leading to earning more money 

  • Improved relationship to the masculine and ability to trust men, leading to improved relationships and ability to call in love 

  • Finding one’s voice and ability to speak up and set boundaries 

This work is a deep calling for me, something I have been holding space for, for lifetimes. It is a true honor to work with women in this way, and to witness the passage of a woman reclaiming her connection to her womb and power.

If you’d like to explore working together, please feel free to sign up below.

Learn More About Womb Healing Sessions

Book a complimentary call to connect

or

~ Book MY session NOW ~

 

"Be Easy on Yourself"

 
self-love-women

“Be easy on yourself”

I can say this one to others, no problem, but when it comes to myself, I’ve found it to not be as simple…

For the past month especially, I’ve been unearthing subconscious stress patterns I’ve been holding in my body, probably for the last 18 years. (Thanks to my friend Karen for telling me about the Curable app)

More and more I’m understanding the root of the headaches/chronic pain/jaw tension I’ve experienced may be the impossible standards I sometimes hold myself to… ways of thinking and being that have gotten so normal to me that I couldn’t even consciously see them.

When I see someone else being hard on themselves, shifting into fear, worry or stress, it’s easy for me to see how crazy and irrational the mind can be, but not as easy when it comes to myself.

My partner has been a really good mirror for me with this one, helping me learn to take the pressure off, to let things be messy, to remember to play and love myself when I make mistakes.

Here are some other reminders I’ve been telling myself lately that I thought you may also find useful:

  • It’s impossible to make everyone happy all the time 

  • Mistakes happen. It’s a quality of being human. We didn’t come here to be perfect, we came here to learn

  • There are more valuable things in life than checking everything off the to do list

  • Our body will never be “perfect” to the ego’s standards, so we may as well start loving the one we got now 

  • We’re exactly where we need to be for a reason. Don’t try to rush it or move faster than what is natural

  • Sometimes a messy home is the exact medicine we need 

  • It’s ok to take a break and rest in the middle of the day even if it’s not done 

  • Some things may never get done, and that’s ok, chances are it was something we didn’t really want to do anyway

  • Having the (enter your vice of choice here) is not such a bad thing, what’s worse is the self=punishment or guilt we put ourselves through after doing it

  • We’re probably not going to have a perfect morning practice every day, and that’s ok. It’s important to celebrate where we’re at

Do you ever hold subconscious stress in the body? Hold extremely high standards for yourself? What do you do or say to ease up the pressure?

Feel free to leave a comment below.

With love, 

Meredith

P.S. I'll be leading another cohort of the Way of the Priestess Program this year. 🎉 

A beautiful group is already forming and we begin June 10, 2021. If this is something you've been considering, I invite you to check out the program guide here.

 

My Most Valuable Teaching From the Last 10 Years

 
meredith-rom-peonies

A few days ago I woke up feeling tight and achey all over. It felt like my head was being compressed and all the muscles down my back and into my hips were aching. I had been clenching my teeth in my sleep, my jaw was tight and everything just hurt.

Do you ever have days like this?

I tried distracting myself by looking at my phone. I knew that wasn't going to get me anywhere so I put it down and tried Vipassana meditation (body scanning, from the top of the head down to the tips of the toes, simply witnessing the sensations) and although it did help a little, everything still hurt.

Then I decided to try something I had never tried before.

I took my own yoga class.

Last month I taught four live yin yoga classes and recorded them. (You can find the recordings all on my blog under Yoga & Meditation).

I turned on the class and told myself I would be fully present. I'd do everything I said.

It was like being spoken to by my higher self.

And as I dropped back into my body I remembered:

Be with the difficulty

the physical discomfort

all the emotions

It's ok to feel this way.

I committed to full presence with myself. I let myself feel it all. I breathed. I cried. I found a softness underneath it all.

I realized, if I were to distill my most important teaching from the last ten years of teaching yoga and being a coach and guide to hundreds of people it would be:

Feel Your Pain

Don't try to run away from it. Or fix it. Or change it. Breathe with it. Go into it. Use it as an opportunity to become more intimate with yourself.

A teacher of mine, Marin Bach-Antonson once said, "The number one cause of suffering is resistance."

When we want ourselves to be different. Or someone else to be different. Or our current life circumstances to be different, we suffer.

What if we dropped it all and let ourselves, our lives and others be as they are?

But I know, I know... it's not so easy to actually put this way of being into practice. Especially not all the time.

What I love about yin yoga is it's a gentle way of practicing "Being with what is" through the physical body.

As we breathe with the discomfort and move into the pain, we expand our capacity to "be with what is" by simply being with the difficult physical sensations. We hold the poses longer. We allow a release. We begin to find a true, direct, cellular experience of acceptance.

And it's such a metaphor for real life...

When we cultivate this practice on our mat, we are able to meet our difficulties with more softness, compassion, trust.

We learn to let go of reactivity, resistance and the need to control.

So today, I invite you to dive into this 75 minute yin yoga practice with me.

With love,
Meredith

 

What is EFT Tapping? A Step-by-Step Guide to How it Works

 
Image via Mind Love

Image via Mind Love

I was first introduced to EFT, or Emotional Freedom Techniques on my first date with my partner Michael. He had just returned from an advanced EFT training with Sonya Sophia in Italy. I had just taught my first yoga class the night before, and as exciting as it was, I was terrified to do it again because of a deep-rooted fear I carried about public speaking.

He showed me the tapping points and over the next hour we tapped as I shared about my fear and my earliest memories related to when it began.

That moment set the foundation for my career as a yoga teacher, and my ability to lead workshops, webinars and events.

Later on, I worked with a mentor, Rob Nelson of Tapping the Matrix Academy to become certified to use tapping with my clients. It is now one of the #1 tools I use to help clients with emotional distress, healing fears, past trauma, phobias, and also for clearing limiting beliefs.

So What is EFT? and How Does it Work?

EFT is a fast and gentle way to discharge emotional distress, traumatic memories, and negative thoughts.

The History

Roger Callahan was a therapist who was very interested in the meridian system, he developed “Thought Field Therapy” and experimented with tapping on different meridian points. When working with one client he had her tap while talking about her extreme phobia of water, and by the end of the session it had completely disappeared! It is said she actually ran to an outdoor pool afterwards she was so excited. A man named Gary Craig later did a training with Callahan and eventually simplified Thought Field Therpay into what we know as EFT today.

How Does it Work?

EFT uses tapping on meridian points while talking about a specific problem. It works with the Amygdala part of the brain, which controls our stress response - fight, flight or freeze. The amygdala was developed before the spoken language, so words alone do not register with the amygdala, however, tapping has a direct and immediate effect of down regulating the amygdala’s reaction to real or imagined threat.

Stress is our natural response to a threat.

But for humans living in a modern world, threats may be simply worries and fears. In cave man days there were very real threats such as a mountain lion that could attack, and the stress response was very important to amp up adrenaline and get away from a very real threat. Have you ever notice how animals like the gazelle shakes after an experience where it was almost caught? This is the body’s natural way to release trauma and stress, however in our current day and age we’ve lost such instincts. However, tapping has the same effect.

Our stress response was designed as a short term survival strategy, however most of us are marinating in cortisol from imagined threats (fear and worry) all the time!

EFT helps turn off the amygdala’s intense reaction to specific problems.

Tapping communicates directly with the amygdala, the part of the brain that doesn’t understand language or rational thought. It helps us to get out of the stress response (fight or flight) and to think more logically again.

Energy & Emotions

EFT also works with disruptions in our energy system that were caused by unresolved emotional traumas and unexpressed emotions. All emotions have an important function and are here to be expressed and felt.

Emotion means energy in motion. Emotions are meant to flow through and be released. Emotions get stuck when we don’t let ourself feel them, for example, when it doesn’t feel safe to express them.

I can’t tell you how many people I’ve worked with who have childhood memories of being yelled at for crying. Many people learn to shut down their emotions because of these difficult memories where they did not feel safe. And with all that stuck emotion in the system, all kinds of problems, especially health-related challenges can surface.

Tapping tells the amygdala it’s safe to let emotions go.

In tapping, When an emotion starts to move, you might experience: 

  • Yawning 

  • Crying

  • Laughing

  • Burping 

  • Even farting (!)

This is just a way the body discharges energy being released. It’s a good sign and means energy is started to move. Tapping tells the brain is safe to feel this now.

So What are the Tapping Points?

Here’s an image from my teacher Rob Nelson about the EFT Tapping Points.

EFT-Meridian-Points.jpg

The Purpose of this work is to really feel the stuff that been unwilling to feel, and once we have felt it, we “add in” new possibilities for ourselves

The Basic Recipe: How to Use Tapping

State the problem (Be specific, why is this a problem for you?)

Measure your level of discomfort about this issue from 0 - 10. Ten being the worst and zero being no problem at all.

Use the Set-up Statement: Say out loud, “Even though “this problem” I still deeply love and completely accept myself” while tapping on the edge of the hand (the karate chop point).

Tap through the points while speaking about the problem. Let yourself get all the inner voices out. What is the worst thing about this problem? What are all the feelings associated with it. Get it all out while you tap through the points.

Re-measure the level 0-10 and assess what has shifted. Sometimes it goes up and sometimes it goes down. Often new information is revealed.

Tap again, and try introducing some new possibilities.

Measure the level 0-10 again and see where you’re at!

As a coach and guide I work with clients 1:1 to heal past trauma and release limiting beliefs with EFT. If you’ve been looking for someone to work with, sign up for a free introductory call to learn more about working together.

I hope this is helpful for you! In the comments I’d love to hear about your experience with EFT Tapping.

 

The Gifts of Pre-Menstruation

 
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I want to talk for a minute about the gifts of pre-menstruation because it seems the week before a woman bleeds (also known as PMS) has gotten a bad reputation. Physically, this is the time after a woman ovulates, and there is a drop in progesterone, which can often lead to hormonal mood swings, irritability and overall agitation.  

But there are so many gifts to this time that are not often talked about.

Like…DIVINE ALIGNMENT… and the power of Kali Ma’s fierce love… I now think of this time of the month as an opportunity to realize all the sh** I’ve been putting up with the rest of the month and use it as an opportunity to CUT away ALL that is not serving. (Think of Kali with her sword)…

It’s a time for us to call upon our ROAR of no more to bring us into deeper alignment. 

This time of the month finally gives us the courage to say NO and speak UP for our needs. 

There are so many facets of the divine feminine, and without this fierce, fiery power, we aren’t utilizing the full spectrum of the feminine available to us. 

I now see rage as sacred, something that continually calls me into my highest and can be expressed in healthy ways. When used and expressed I set better boundaries and step more fully into my voice and power.

What’s been your experience of the week before you bleed? 

Are you able to feel the full spectrum of your emotions?  Have you been able to utilize the fiery energy to set boundaries and step into deeper alignment with your truth? 

May we all re-pattern our relationship to the dark side of the feminine… and release shame around this time of the month to truly see all the gifts available to us…  Would love to hear about your experiences in the comments 

To learn more about the path of the feminine, join the waitlist for the Rising Women Leaders 2020 Priestess Initiation right here.

 

My Body, My Choice: What My Jaw is Teaching Me About Consent

 
Image by Karen Prosen

Image by Karen Prosen

I may be smiling in this picture but inside there is a little girl who is in pain. 

For as long as I can remember now - probably since I was 6 years old, then starting again when I was 13 (so consistently for the last 16 years) I have been clenching and grinding my teeth in my sleep. 

It happens every night, for the majority of the night and it has been terribly frustrating because it is subconscious. I am not aware of it, and when I wake up with pain around my head and in my upper back and shoulders each morning I feel at a loss of what to do. 

I have tried the night guards, osteopathy, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, massage, cranial sacral therapy and numerous other healing modalities, but it is still happening.

Yoga is the one practice that will clear the stuck energy and pain and bring me back into a state of peace. This is the main reason I continue to practice yoga every day. 

But lately I've really wanted to discover the root of the clenching, not just address the symptoms.  I've been asking myself: Why is my body feeling called to clench and protect in my sleep? I know the body is full with wisdom, and I believe it is trying to show me something.

So about six months ago I discovered Matrix Re-imprinting, a technique that evolved from EFT that connects people with their past traumas and core beliefs and elegantly enables them to transform them into supportive platforms for their lives.

In a matrix re-imprinting session with my mentor, we uncovered a memory of being 6 years old in the dentist’s chair. The fluorescent lights were blaring me in the face. I remember they gave me a pair of sunglasses to protect my eyes from the lights and cover my tears that were just pouring down my face behind them. 

I was getting cavities filled. There were needles to numb the pain, I had to hold my mouth open for what felt like hours, and I felt the pressure on my teeth as they were being filled. As a little girl, this was really intense for me.

As we were connecting with the little girl in this scene, my mentor asked me to ask the little girl how she felt.  

I almost did not want to say what her response was out loud because it was such a strong answer. I thought it was a little extreme for the situation, but I told my mentor that she said she was feeling “raped.”

We validated her feelings and ultimately brought healing back to this memory. It's amazing that when I think back on it now, I don’t even feel a charge recalling it. 

Flash forward six months when the #metoo posts started coming out:

I do not have particularly charged moments in my memory related to sexual abuse or harassment, so I didn’t make a post. However, I watched as woman after woman in my community stepped forward to share, and I bore witness with love. 

Right around this time I went to a sweat lodge ceremony and inside the dark, hot space representing the womb of Mother Earth, women around me began sharing their experiences of abuse.

My biggest prayer going into that lodge was to receive insight and healing for my jaw. I listened as these women around me shared about their experiences. As I listened, I began crying, quite loudly for these women, as many other people also cried in the complete darkness, the womb of the earth. I closed my eyes and began seeing memories of myself in the dentist’s chair and I had an insight, “No one ever asked my permission.” 

All the fillings I had at age 5 and 6, the palette spreader (a piece of metal used to spread apart the upper palette) in the roof of my mouth when I was 9, the doctor’s visits where I felt prodded and poked.

There was no consent. I do not have a memory of someone kindly sitting down to explain to me what was going to happen, why it was going to happen and to ask if that would be ok with me.

These things just happened. 

Now, I do not place blame on any of the adults who were concerned in these situations. They did not know to ask. They were never taught to ask. They were taught to help people and to do what they were trained to do.

I can’t say I wanted to keep going on with cavities in my teeth, and I am very grateful to have straight teeth and a beautiful smile today. These were routine procedures. And these people were trained to do them. I have great compassion and appreciation for all of these professionals.

But in that sweat lodge as I connected to that little girl who was never asked permission, I finally understood why she used that word, “rape” in describing the enormity of her pain.

As I connected with her, the tears just started flowing. I let out loud sobs. More memories came back.  

All the times this sweet little girl was not asked permission. Most of the memories were related to visits with licensed professionals - pediatricians,  dentists and orthodontists. 

She was holding an enormous amount of pain, her own and of the women in the space who had shared their stories. I held it all. I let myself feel it all. It was intense work. 

But by the end of that lodge I had new insights around places I needed to create boundaries with practitioners I see, and how I actually needed to ask my jaw for permission any time I put in a night guard or retainer in my mouth. I also saw how I could ask for permission with beings around me - friends, family, even my cat.

I also realized - when we explain to a child what is happening and why - I believe the child will be quite open to giving their permission if the procedure truly is in their highest good. But the insight I had was that it almost doesn’t matter what the answer is and what ends up happening -  the simple act of asking for permission IS the healing. 

I remember a few months ago when Nisha Moodley made a post about how she asks her son for permission before she picks him up. The post went viral. Her son is not yet of talking age, yet she waits for an energetic permission from him before picking him up. I love this. This doesn’t mean she wouldn’t pick him up if he was in harm’s way, but it is an act of honoring him as a sovereign being and a statement that his body is his. 

So while I was in the lodge feeling the enormity of that little girl’s pain - I realized that if I was holding that much trauma in my jaw from not receiving permission for a routine procedure in a doctor’s office, I could not imagine the enormity of the pain and trauma for others who never gave their permission in numerous other, more dangerous circumstances. My heart is with all of these people. I have tapped into the pain in that field and it is enormous. My heart is  especially with all the men and women who stepped forward to share their #metoo moments in the past few weeks (as well as all of those who did not feel ready to share).

I am also seeing how important it is for me and for all of us to acknowledge and validate our own pain, no matter how big or small it is. No, I was not sexually abused or assaulted by my doctor, but I did discover there was a little girl inside of me who was holding a great amount of pain  from experiences where she did not give consent.

Now I can’t say that feeling my pain led to instant healing of my jaw clenching. This is still a long and winding road of healing. But do I feel a little farther on the path? Yes. Absolutely. 

The truth is I am still waking up with pain and headaches quite often. I still feel frustrated a lot of the time. But something about having this insight about permission has been really healing for me. 

I now have a huge amount of insight into how I will raise my children, and how I will speak to them and ask for permission. 

Asking permission is the gateway to recognizing ourselves and others as sovereign beings.

If you are one of the many people also having jaw clenching or grinding in your sleep, my heart is with you. If you are one of the many who are holding a painful memory or experience where you did not consent, my heart is also with you.

The one piece of advice I offer you today is to pray. Pray for healing. Pray for insight. That is how this piece of wisdom came to me. Ask to be guided in your healing. 

Can you hold the moments in your life where you did not give permission with love? Can you hold that little girl or boy inside of you the way a mother would hold a child?

And how can you use your pain for greater good? Where could you ask for permission before taking action with those around you? 

Asking ourselves these kinds of questions is how we create change in the world. When we recognize, reconcile and heal our own traumas, we stop the pattern of abuse. We learn to act differently. 

That’s when we finally put a stop to the unconscious patterns passed down through our lineage.

The healing starts with you. 

With love,
Meredith

 

My prayer for you this summer

 
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After a couple long days on the computer and phone this week, I was experiencing lower back pain and getting frustrated with technology glitches (that are bound to happen in Mercury retrograde).  I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, so when things weren't working, I fully surrendered. I dropped everything and went to Amma's ashram in San Ramon.  If you're unfamiliar with my work or stories about Amma, she is known as "hugging saint" - a guru from India who travels around the world giving people hugs.

Upon arrival, I immediately felt a shift within myself.  I felt the calming energy, I ate the food made with love, and I was met with smiling faces saying "Om namah shivaya."  (I bow to the divinity that resides within us all)

I meditated, sang, and stayed up until the early morning hours to receive a hug from the divine mother, the hugging saint, Amma.

While there, I received a massage that eased my lower back pain, I held my intention to join women from around the world in 40 days of sacred practice and devotion, I prayed for renewal, and to surrender to how spirit would have things go.  I fully let it go.

The next day, I went to our dear friend Tirza's yoga class.  She had invited Michael to sing for her class, and for the first time, I got to receive Michael's beautiful songs while participating (rather than being the teacher).

On our tour, there were many moments when students cried (his music really touches your heart). I was always moved, but held the space for what wanted to arise in others.

As a participant, moving through the poses, I had the thought, "I have been so hard on myself!" 

"For what?" I wondered.

I realized, any stress I feel in my life has been completely self-created. 

Tears streamed down my face as a new mantra entered my mind, "My life is already so beautiful. There's no need for more pressure. Let it be easy." 

Let it be easy! So simple. So true.

So today, I will continue to tune into my heart, and prioritize my practices and connection to spirit.

I know from experience, it takes courage to slow down, and prioritize our devotion and self-care practices.  It takes courage to face our fears, and follow our dreams in service to our calling, and a higher good...

This is what I want for you:

Permission to love yourself first and to follow your dreams and your heart, no matter what. 

To face your fears and take action, but to do it all with ease, grace, spaciousness and most importantly, faith. 

Since that day at Amma's, a rush of women have joined me in the VISION sisterhood to manifest their desires this summer, and there are now only a few spaces left.

If you feel called to make space for this new way of living this summer, I would love to have you as part of this sisterhood.   I invite you to join us here. 

Love, Meredith

 

What I've learned about intuition

 
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I see many people in our society numbing themselves out. Whether it be through alcohol, food, drugs, caffeine, painkillers or antidepressants – many of us are trying to distract ourselves from what is really going on.

This was the case for me for a long time.  When I felt sad, I went to sugar.  When I had pain in my body, I took an advil or had a glass of wine to distract myself.  When I had a project due that I didn't want to finish, I'd drink caffeine to push through it.

Our bodies are full with wisdom and they send us very clear signals when something needs to shift in our lives.

We develop pain, skin problems, or other symptoms when something is not right.  It is our job to listen to those signals instead of pushing them away.

I believe intuition is so important because it guides us closer to our purpose.  When we numb out the wisdom of our bodies, we lose our connection to divine guidance, we forget why we are here, and as a result can easily suffer from depression or feelings of meaninglessness.

However:

When we use our intuition, we are guided to our highest potential as beings and are able to live more meaningful, synchronous and connected lives.

What I’ve learned about intuition: 

1. Your intuition lives in your body 

That’s why we need practices like yoga, dance, active meditation, running, and movement to access it.  You need to form a connection to your body, take care of it through food, baths, showers, body butter, and be there with it during the difficult times too.

2. Your intuition can be very quiet 

It takes being with the busy mind and having a mindfulness practice to be still enough to listen to that inner voice.  The rational mind will come up with all kinds of reasons to do something, but a little inner voice or feeling will tell you when it’s not right.

3.  You need to stop inputting information to digest the information that is already there

When you’re on the phone, the computer, reading magazines, or even books, you are inputting new information into the brain.  However, in order to access the intuitive state, you need to stop inputting new information to digest the information that’s already there.

That’s why going to a yoga class, going on a run, being in nature, or meditating are the best ways to access your intuition.

Those are the times you turn off distractions and you are solely with your body, your thoughts and your spirit.

If you feel called to join us with a group of likeminded women to explore the power of your intuition, join us in this year’s Way of the Priestess Initiation Program.

Love & light, Meredith

 

My Before & After Story (Plus 10 Steps I Took to Feel Great in My Body)

 
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Today I wanted to share with you about a time in my life I haven't publicly shared about before.  On the internet, it's easy to show off our best selves and not talk about the struggles we have had, but when I think back to why I even became interested in nutrition in the first place, it was because of my own health issues.

My struggles have made me who I am today, so I hope in sharing what I've been through, you too will begin to see that real change is possible.  Any hardships you are experiencing right now are ultimately necessary to take you where you need to be.  I now feel great in my body, however, I did not always feel this way.  I had serious struggles with weight gain, acne, and slow digestion, and at the time it was really hard to love myself.  Now, I am grateful for those struggles, because they have guided me to be where I am today: lean, energized, happy and sharing all of my knowledge to help other people.

It all started three years ago when I traveled to India.  I arrived with a one-way ticket and a six month VISA and was determined to stay as long as I could.  Little did I know, my health would take a toll during my time there.

Chai was literally on every corner and I loved it.  Every day I drank the milky, caffeinated, sweet cup full of sugar, two, three, sometimes even four or five times a day.  I ate buttery, salty restaurant food (and sometimes ashram food depending where I was staying) for breakfast, lunch and dinner, everyday, for six months.

I ate ZERO raw food because I was advised by my doctors in the US to avoid all raw greens and vegetables because the water it was washed with might not be safe.

I wore flowy, loose shawls and ali baba pants for six months and had no access to a full-length mirror or a scale, so I didn't even notice when I added an extra 20-25 pounds to my normal weight.  However, I knew something was wrong because my skin was breaking out with cystic acne and I was tired all the time.  The extra weight did not make me feel more womanly, I just felt heavy, lethargic, and constipated.

When I was back in the states, my dermatologist gave me antibiotics to clear my skin, so to add to the whole problem, I wiped out all my friendly intestinal flora bacteria.  It was the third time my dermatologist had me take several weeks worth of antibiotics, and this time, it did not help my skin, but it only made it worse.

On top of it all, I came home to no job, no home (besides my parents), no community, and no boyfriend.  I felt lost.

That was when I started searching.  I thought, there must be something I can do to fix this BESIDES take more pills.   After the antibiotics, my doctor wanted to give me accutane, more antibiotics and birth control pills.  I remember asking him, "Is there anything I can change in how I eat?"  and he replied, "No, that is just a myth that what you eat affects your skin.  You should just stick to the pills."

 

That was when I took my health into my own hands and went to the internet.  Through my research, I learned my skin was breaking out because my liver and intestinal track were congested and my hormones were out of balance.  Taking accutane, antibiotics, or birth control pills would only further mask and worsen the underlying problem.

My research then led me to solutions.  Simple solutions: I need to change how I eat.

I stopped making the doughy parathas and chapathis made from white flour that I learned how to cook in India, and started making green smoothies.  I learned how to cook delicious, healthy meals full of fiber and nutrients, I rebuilt my intestinal flora, I made new friends, discovered my love of teaching yoga, fell in love with my now boyfriend, and in 2013, decided to go to the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to become a health coach.   Within one year, I cleared my skin, optimized my digestion, lost the weight I gained, and finally felt happy.   

So here are the 10 steps I took to get started: 

1. I drank more water 

75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.  Drinking more water has been proven to cure all kinds of ailments including headaches, constipation, toxic overload, even stomach ulcers.  Before I do anything else in the morning, I drink an 8 oz glass of water (and sometimes I add fresh squeezed lemon for vitamin C and liver cleansing properties).

It is best to drink water before having caffeine in the morning and to drink one or two glasses of water for every cup of coffee. You should be able to have a bowel movement within half an hour of drinking a glass of water every morning, before drinking caffeine.

2. I balanced my hormones (and added in tons of fibrous whole foods)

My mood was all over the place when I came back from travelling.  The acne I had was hormonal - near the mouth and along the jaw line.  First I cleared my pathways of elimination so extra estrogens in my body could be eliminated by my liver and intestinal track.  Then I learned about what foods to eat during each part of my cycle.  I started eating greens with every meal, brown rice and quinoa and beans.  I switched from butter to coconut oil and supplemented my diet with Omega 3's from fish and cold pressed flax oil. 

3. I made my own sauerkraut and goat milk Kefir for probiotics to rebuild my intestinal flora 

Most probiotic pills don't make it through the acids of the stomach to the intestines.  I started making whole food sources of probiotics like raw sauerkraut and raw goat milk kefir.  Goat's milk is tolerated by even many who are lactose intolerant because the digestive system of a goat is more similar to a human.  When the kefir grains sit in the goat milk, it makes the proteins even more digestible through the process.  These fresh strains of probiotics healed my intestinal track from years of overusing antibiotics.

4.  I drank warm water and Magnesium calm before bed 

Many Americans are deficient in Magnesium - a key mineral necessary for the body to absorb calcium.  Magnesium also relaxes the muscles, helps you sleep through the night, and loosens the stools to minimize constipation.  "Magnesium Calm" is a white powder and can be found in the supplement aisle of any Whole Foods or health food store.

5. I cut out dairy 

Hormones in milk today are affecting the delicate hormonal balance of many women.  Cow's milk in particular is very congesting to the human body and can be difficult to digest.  After drinking non organic low fat milk for many years, my body became sensitive to dairy, and it congested my system.  As soon as I stopped drinking cow's milk, my constipation lessened and my skin started clearing.

If you are going to drink milk or eat cheese, eat it to be the way nature intended it to be:  full fat, from healthy animals that graze in the fresh air on green plants.

6. I switched from processed sweets and cane sugar to honey, dates, coconut palm sugar and stevia 

I used to have intense sugar cravings.  Especially any time I felt sad or lonely, I immediately went to sugar to lift me up.  It became a struggle, because my blood sugar levels would spike, then quickly drop, making me more depressed, and have even less energy.  The sugar fed the candida in my system, and with no healthy intestinal flora, I became constipated and gained weight.  When I came back from India, I couldn't quit sugar all at once, so I switched from all cane sugar products to sweeteners with a lower glycemic index such as honey, dates, coconut palm sugar and stevia.

7. I started making green smoothies and switched to a primarily raw foods diet for the first month to kickstart my new eating habits

Green smoothies became my FAVORITE breakfast.  I read all of Victoria Boutenko's books and eventually bought my own vitamix to enjoy the creamy, delicious smoothies.  Green smoothies allowed me to pack in more nutrients in my diet and helped me clear out my digestive track.  Because the green smoothies are made with not just greens, but also fruit, they taste delicious, and my body started craving greens.  My first month determined to improve my health, I ate about 80% raw foods to help my body detoxify and start better long term habits.  If you want to learn more about green smoothies, download my green smoothie handbook with 15 recipes.

8. I made self-care and self-love a daily practice 

It was hard to love myself when I didn't feel good in my body.  I took small steps to start loving myself, because I knew when I loved myself, I would naturally choose the best foods to put in my body.  I started taking salt baths, rubbing my favorite cacao body butter over my whole body, and used affirmations.  It felt uncomfortable at first, but it has become one of my favorite rituals in my life.  My clients receive my favorite self-care remedies to start nourishing and loving their body in all of my programs.

9.  I found my community 

It was hard to arrive back from six months in India to old friends in New York that went out to bars for fun.  I was hardly interested in staying out late or drinking alcohol, and I was ready to find a community that had a similar interest in health and wellbeing.  When I moved back to California I meditated every day on finding the right friends and the right home, and within three months, founded an intentional community house in Berkeley with six friends.  Everyone loved to cook, knew so much about healthy eating, and wanted to set aside two hours a day for silence and group meditation.  When I surrounded myself with the right environment, I learned from everyone around me and began to thrive.  When I no longer had to eat dinner alone, I stopped using food to fill the hole when I felt lonely.

10. I began a consistent daily spiritual practice 

My spiritual practice has gone through many transformations over the last three years, but it has always been something that keeps me grounded.  It is the time when I can reflect and vision, and come back to what is really important in life.  It connects me back to myself, brings me in touch with my body and emotions, and strengthens my intuition so I know what steps to take next in life.  It makes me feel connected to something larger than myself, and has helped me know my purpose and start living it.

What’s been your journey to healthy living and loving your body? Would love to hear in the comments…

How I cured my headaches

 
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Seven years ago I was stressed out, had chronic pain throughout my body, and terrible headaches that started behind my eye that moved down my neck all the way down my arm.  My jaw was tense, I used the computer way too much, and had little to no tools on how to deal with stress.  After visiting many doctors, having an MRI, meeting with physical therapists and sports therapists, I still had no solution better than pain killers.  One doctor even diagnosed my pain as fibromyalgia and wanted to start me on antidepressants.  Sadly, no one ever asked me about my lifestyle, my diet, looked at subtle physical misalignments or the amount of stress in my life.

It was around this time I started going to donation based yoga classes in a packed studio in New York City.  I would struggle through the one hour class waiting for that brief moment in savasana, the final resting pose, when I could experience peace.  The pain in my body would subside, my busy mind would quiet down, and I could have a glimpse of my true nature aspeaceful.

When I became a yoga teacher three years ago, I vowed to help others heal chronic pain in theirbody, the way my teachers had helped me.  Over the years I have cleared misalignments in mybody through yoga and dramatically changed my lifestyle to eliminate the high stress levels I was experiencing.  I attended workshops and trainings on therapeutic yoga with Sianna Sherman, and really came to have a deeper understanding of my body.  I no longer felt helpless, because when pain arose, I knew how to clear it.

When I moved to Sebastopol, I found fellow Anusara trained teacher, Mark Lundbeck.  Mark has experienced similar profound healing in his own body through yoga, and even spent 12 years in Tahoe incorporating yoga principles of therapeutics into physcial therapy offices in Tahoe.

For the last seven months I have been attending Mark's private therapeutic sessions, diving into the world of biomechanical alignment principles and seeing profound empowerment and physical change in his clients.  Through these sessions I have learned so much about my ownbody and have become a better teacher to my students.

I'm proud to be leading my first therapeutics workshop with Mark this Sunday at Alive Yoga.  If you are interested in clearing pain from your own body (from misalignment or injury), want to deepen your understanding and practice of yoga, or are a teacher and want to gain more knowledge for your students, I highly recommend you attend.

Love, Meredith

P.S. You can also watch my video, 5 yoga poses for headaches  

 

Natural cures for 5 different kinds of headaches

 
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What if someone told you finding the right cure for your headache was as simple as figuring out what kind of headache you have?  According to Annemarie Colbin of FoodAndHealing.com, this is exactly what you should do.  After listening to her lecture through my school, I was ecstatic to know my regular tension headaches would dissipate after drinking a glass of lemon water with honey!  According to Annemarie, there are 5 kinds of headaches, with 5 specific cures.  If you are unsure of what kind of headache you have, try one of these cures and wait to see the results.  If you don't notice any change, you can always try another.

1. Expansive Headache An expansive headache is from eating too many sugary foods.  To cure this kind of headache you want to eat something from the Contractive side of the spectrum in the diagram below (salty foods.)

2. Contractive Headache A contractive headache is also described as a tension headache.  It can arise from tightness in the jaw, eating too much meat, or not eating enough food in general.  It can be cured by eating healthy sweet foods that are more "expansive."  Some common contractive headache cures are applesauce, juice, lemon water with honey, or italian ice.

You want to eat mostly balanced foods on this spectrum.  You will notice if you eat too many foods on the expansive or contractive end, your body naturally gravitates to eat foods on the opposite end to find balance.  For example, people that eat a lot of meat, generally also drink coffee and are addicted to sugar and/or alcohol.  Lessening meat intake lowers the cravings for these expansive foods.

3. Liver Headache A liver headache is also known as a migraine.  Migraines occur when you eat too much fat on an empty stomach (such as a bag of potato chips).  This puts strain on the liver and causes a migraine.  The liver is connected to the health of our eyes - so that's why you may see spots or have poor vision during a migraine.  Luckily there is a natural cure: - Squeeze 1/2 an organic lemon into a glass then simmer the peel for 10 minutes in 2 cups of pure water.  - Let the boiled lemon peel water cool then add it to the juice and drink.

4. Caffeine Headache This kind of headache arises when you stop drinking caffeine.  The cure for this one is to drink a little caffeine.  In order to stop drinking coffee or black tea, gradually drink a smaller amount at the same time each day to avoid a caffeine headache.

5. Structural Headache A structural headache is the kind of pain that arises from a misalignment in the body.  The cure for a structural headache is yoga and/or chiropractic adjustments.