Four years ago I experienced a difficult break-up. At the time, I was given a choice - to hold on to my resentment and anger, or to remember all is impermanent, learn how to let go, forgive and open myself to miracles and true love again. There I was, alone in my room, tears streaming down my face. I had just slammed the door on my love and my dear friend because I found out, "He wanted to be with her now."
I had been living in a house with my new friend Sara over the last month in Spain while my love was traveling to teach a retreat abroad. Sara and I became very close over that time while I waited for my love to return.
I welcomed him, so excited to have him back in my arms. I also introduced him to my new friend (we were all staying in the same house that week).
Then, over the course of the week, I began to notice Sara and my love spending more and more time together...
Finally, one day in the kitchen, I confronted him.
"What's going on between you and Sara?" I demanded. There was a pause, and then the words came, the ones I suspected were true, but never wanted to hear..
"I'm not going to lie to you Meredith. I always told you I was too free for most women. In all honesty, my energy is moving towards her now."
I spoke no words.
"NO," I screamed over in my mind. I tightened my hands into fists, unsure of what to do with myself next, unsure of what to say back to him.
At that moment Sara walked into the room and immediately knew what we were talking about.
I looked at her with rage in my eyes, then left the kitchen, slammed the door behind me, and locked myself in my room.
For a moment, I let myself lose it. Tears streamed down my face while loud sobs escaped from my broken heart.
But then.... something happened. Something I had never experienced before in such an angry and distressed state... I began to notice my breath. All the hours I had spent in meditation in the previous months traveling in India had become an innate part of me. I was able to react in a completely new way I had never seen in myself before.
And with that breath, I began to notice my sensations, as pure sensations, rather than labeling them as anger, resentment, or heartbreak.
In just a minute, my whole body had changed and I was calm. I no longer felt like an angry victim.
In that moment, I realized I could not control another being. I remembered that all was impermanent. I knew that even though I loved him so deeply, that it was true, he was free, and I couldn't control his needs or desires.
Sara knocked on my door, nervously awaiting my next move.
I turned back to my breath. I knew I had a choice. I could continue to breathe, and be the witness to all that was happening in my body and my situation, and I could forgive, or I could get lost, fuming in anger and resentment, and try to make the people who hurt me feel as bad as possible.
Today, I want to share this video with you from my training, #LiveYourVISION because this is one of the most important lessons I have learned and it is a valuable tool I want you to have.
You can hear the rest of the story, and learn the meditation that helped me get through one of the most difficult moments of my life right here.